seeking greatness

Well...since this is my first post on here, I'm supposed to at least make an attempt to introduce myself. However, because the people who will be reading this already know me, I guess the only things I really need to reveal on here are the things about myself that I don't openly share. Presently, my entire world is about change. I had so much going on so fast, and for some reason, I thought I needed that. I thought I needed the constant buzz of something or someone in my life to keep me going. When in all actuality, all it did was keep me preoccupied enough to ignore the ways in my life I had messed up and in some cases, made terrible life decisions that might haunt me for the rest of my life. Though it would be easy for me to say, "I'm young! I'm allowed to do whatever I want, its expected", I've found this to be my truest downfall of all. I excused all of my actions the past two years as being young and careless. And though I do truly believe I am more impulsive and stubborn than most, I also know that this doesn't excuse being completely reckless with my life. I didn't treasure myself the way God intended us to. I didn't love people the way He has instructed us to do so. Don't get me wrong, I know I will still struggle in several aspects of my life. But the fact is, I've changed tonight. Thanks to a final push from a good friend, I finally realized just how far off my life had become. Before my first two years of college, I had always considered myself a Christian. Or at least that's what I thought. But now I'm starting to think that God put me through the things he did at school to test me, allow me to fail, and come back to Him in a way I would never have before. I don't believe I realized how much I needed him before this. Its almost as if I realized that not a single thing I had going in my life had any real purpose behind it without Him in my life as well. I want something to knock the breath out of me, its so great. And I believe that if I'm following in the path He wants me to take, I'll find that.